CELEBRATING A MARRIAGE
IN PARADISE
IN THE MOST APPROPRIATE
AND COMFORTABLE WAY
YOURS !
The sacrament of marriage is an event that happens between two people, not three. The ceremony that the minister helps you perform is not the sacrament. It is a celebration of that sacrament. If the event has not already occurred between you, we have nothing to celebrate. At least, that is how I see it. And, because I do, I enjoy helping couples find the language, style and place for their celebration that is most appropriate and comfortable to them.
This brochure is intended as a help in starting the process of creating your own celebration of marriage. You may use this material as idea starters, as a basic piece to modify for your own needs, or just to give you the confidence to give it a try. It is a no-lose proposition. Some couples come out of the adventure with a wedding ceremony. Some come out of it with bits and pieces, but not something that hangs together as a dramatic whole. But those bits and pieces tell me what your natural language is. From them I am more able to help you find the language and style you were looking for. The worst that happens is that those who try the adventure are better able to use the additional material I have. We always end up with a beautiful and appropriate celebration.
A few tips before you start:
1. Waste lots of scratch paper. The Muse more often arrives when you're in motion that when you're sitting and waiting.
2. Keep all the scratch paper. Often a word or phrase that you would have thrown away is the kernel that grows into the piece for which you were looking. And sometimes the ceremony is all there in the scratch paper awaiting my editor's pencil.
3. Don't turn it into work. It is, after all, a celebration !
The following material is intended as samples of the kind of thing that might be in a ceremony. Use them as idea starters or to edit and/or use.
GETTING STARTED
The wedding ceremony begins with a prologue; something that says why we are here and sets the thematic stage. Something like:
PROLOGUE
We have come here together to celebrate the love and joy and delight in each other that has brought these two to the sharing of a life together. As _______ and _______ exchange their vows of marriage, it is appropriate that we pause and remember that this event, this ceremony, is neither a beginning nor an ending. In these words, in this pageantry, we do an ancient thing. This exchange of vows celebrates an inter-connectedness that runs deep into the past of our emergence as a people. It runs deep into our relationship with what is most ultimate in the life we share together.
What we do here is more primal and more ancient even than the delight in the discovery of love shared. For these two have come out of us. We who are gathered here represent the circle of family and friends, of inter-locking relation-ships, who have brought these two to this sacred time and place. In them we celebrate the ancient affirmation that we are related, that we belong, that we are not alone. In their joy our faith, too, is re-kindled and re-affirmed.
Yes, we celebrate the love these two have for each other; and in their joy each of us recognizes and re-affirms the love and the loves that nurtured us to this moment. Their love is for each other, but it does not stand in isolation from the world around them. It spreads out infectiously, as love must, from these two who gave it birth to touch all whom they touch. May it touch you now. . . .
In addition to or instead of "giving in marriage", you might use something like this:
Your love and friendship has been part of the nurturing that has brought this relationship to fruition. They stand now before you in thanksgiving for what has grown up between them, and to seek the blessing of this community upon their commitment and their union.
______ and _____if this is, indeed, your desire, will you say, "We do."
In accepting your invitation to be here with you today, we --your family and friends-- proclaim our approval and encouragement of your purpose in the warmhearted faith that it will last and flourish. We will continue to stand with you, to welcome the partner you bring into this extended family. Ladies and gentlemen, if this is, indeed, your desire, will you say, "We do."________ and ________, Do you accept the responsibilities of the trust each of you places in the other ? WE DO.
WEDDING VOWS
This part, at least, I encourage couples to write for themselves and to speak to one another in the service. It is the time to share with those who important to you what your relationship is about and where you are going together in it. I suggest you try to avoid contractual, promissory language, if you can. After all, if you promised to love each other forever the way you love each other today, it would be a tragic promise. If you haven't grown and changed enough in five years to make the promise irrelevant, then you weren't paying attention. However, if you must, here are some examples of something like the "traditional" vows.
I, _______, take you ________, to be my wife/husband/partner, to live together in the joy and fellowship of marriage; I will love you and comfort you, honor and cherish you, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, in triumph or in tragedy from this day forward.
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
A ring is a symbol of life, of its cycles of birth and renewal, the circle of earth's horizon, the circle of the family. the paths of the planets, nests, sundials, watches, the moon. The seemingly endless circular flow of images a reminder of the nurturing presence in which we live and move and have our being. As this ring surrounds your finger, so does the love of the giver surround you.
"With this ring, I thee wed."
When you see this ring on your hand, or the hand of your beloved, may you remember this moment and know: We are individuals, yet we belong; we are not alone. The hand offered by each of you is an extension of self, just as is your mutual love. Cherish that touch, for you touch not only your own, but another life. Be ever sensitive to its pulse. Seek always to understand and respect its rhythms.
AN INTER-FAITH PRAYER AND BLESSING
We come from various religious backgrounds and are followers of many different faiths. We speak of those matters which are of deep importance in differing ways. Yet, in common is our respect for that love which calls true intimacy and community into being. In common is our cherishing of those bonds of commitment we celebrate here today. In common is our hope for the continued joy and happiness of these two who we hold so highly in our hearts. We invite into our awareness the presence in our midst of the best and highest that we know. Called by many names and no name, approached in the languages of many faiths; we are always in the presence of that most high. We would remind ourselves and these two that, in all we intend and in all we do, that best and highest is always present to us. Trusting that presence, we invoke all blessing upon this couple and pledge the continuing support and encouragement of this community of family and friends. May you open yourselves to that deepest presence in your lives and be truly blessed.
LIGHTING A UNITY CANDLE
_____ and ________, as you kindle this common flame, symbol of your trust in each other and your commitment to a shared future, you join your lights and your lives together.
WINE CUP CEREMONY
Wine is an ancient symbol of life. Drawn from a common source, a common heritage whatever the differences of background, there is but one life we share. It is carried by each of us in special ways. Respect always that specialness. Cherish it, especially in one another. Because of that specialness you remain two individuals whose destinies will continue to be in vital ways independent. Yet the depth of your sharing has brought you, will bring you, into interdependence. Like inhalation and exhalation, the life you share requires both.
Many days will you sit at the same table and eat and drink together. Can you eat what he gives you ? Can you drink from her hand ? You will not always have deserved it. May you not have to think of everything as earned, but give unto each other of what you are all that can be received. For you were born to give and to be given; and, unlike these cups (this cup) the wine in your vessels hides no bottom.
[Serve one another.]
Then you might add:
On behalf of the now interlocking circles of family and friends which the love of these two has called into being, and which you represent, you are invited to share also in this cup that they might take you into their joy.
[Serve the others.]
FOR A SEASIDE CEREMONY
The original Eden was not some cloistered Middle Eastern garden, but the sea shore; where life crawled up from the sea to begin the long ascent to human love. For what is love but the discovery of the illusion of the finality of separateness. In love, that separation becomes the occasion for the joy and delight in joining.
Sea to sea-mist, cloud to rain falling on the earth; rivulet to stream to river running down to sea again, sustaining life. The sea that is and sustains you both, your blood still wet with its ancient saltiness, tosses you up as wave in an illusion of separateness; that useful illusion creating the possibility of love's discovery of joining.
And so we come to the sea shore, the margin between emergence and return, to acknowledge your preparation for a life of love's continuing discovery together.
You come to this beach as two. When you come here again in a week, a month, a year, it will be a different beach; for you will be different. Two hara, two centers, will become one; and everything will be different. But now, center yourselves. Be for this final morning fully separate. Hold before your mind's eye all that you are in and of yourself. To love is to give yourself without measure, and to desire for the other the freedom also to give without measure.
This, what you hold now in your mind is that of highest value you have to give. It is the only giving that entails no loss.
Hold it again in your mind. Take it in your cupped open hands. Hold it up in offering. Hold it out to one another. Join your cupped hands.
(Minister pours a cup of sea water over their jointly cupped hands. They let the water slowly run through their fingers.)
God holds the world in His hands by letting it slip through his fingers. And is not joy but the tingle of the sea of life on your skin as you let it slip through your fingers.
AND FINALLY, THE ENDING THAT ANNOUNCES THAT YOU ARE JOINED.
______ and ______, you are now indeed husband and wife; not by my power or authority, not even by the collective power of these here who hold you so highly in their hearts and bless your joy. By the power of your own trust in each other, are you joined.
You are married; and whatever that means or may come to mean in making beds or making love, drying dishes or drying tears, trying to be or just being trying; tending each other, attending each other, intending each other--
May your moments together be filled with the knowing and the unknown of who you are becoming together. May you touch and be touched. May you enter into each other and be entered into with the clean joyous breathing of trust. Go your way. You are two and you are one and you are married.
ARRANGEMENTS
You will want to schedule the ceremony with the minister as early as possible to assure his availability. You will want to meet with the minister well ahead of time to allow ample time to work on your ceremony together. You will want to meet again shortly before the ceremony to be sure that everything is set the way you want it.
A rehearsal may be done if you wish, but--unless there are complicated logistics--what goes wrong in a wedding ceremony rarely could have been rehearsed. You should expect an additional fee to the minister and the place for a rehearsal.
All fees or honoraria should be paid before the ceremony. You don't need that hassle as a part of the celebration of your marriage.
Normally, the honorarium to the minister is $300. Additionally, any travel beyond the immediate community or unusual expenses should be reimbursed.
The church has several ministers available to do wedding ceremonies. Our ministers do wedding ceremonies for couples irrespective of religious background or sexual orientation.
CONTACT THE REV. MIKE YOUNG DIRECTLY AT
"Rev. Mike Young" uurevmike@hawaii.rr.com