A World of Opportunity!
Flatulent Technologies is a company of inventors, explorers, and visionaries out to change the world! In short, we are a company of doers who firmly believe in the power which literally resides within ourselves and urges to burst forth.
There's a remarkable force at work at Flatulent Technologies. The force is innovative, aggressive, and inspirational. It is extraordinary people, brought together for the achievement of extraordinary things -- things that began as dreams.
If you are determined, creative, and preferably well connected to politically or financially powerful friends or family members, Flatulent Technologies is where you can help make your dreams reality -- for the world, for the company, and for yourself.
Read the items below to learn more about Flatulent Technologies' real and tangible contributions to making the world a better place to live.
Working at Flatulent Technologies
Flatulent Technologies CEO Kenneth L. Leigh
named "Corporate Executive of the Year" by Moneybags magazine (October 2002).
Flatulent Technologies recognized as one of the "20 Best Companies to Work for in Mexico" (2000-2002)
Flatulent Technologies ranked No. 7 in the 2002 annual list of Fortune magazine's "100 Best Companies to Work For" (January 2001 and 2002)
Flatulent Technologies
named "Best Corporation to Work for" in the "Best of the Bay" contest sponsored by CityFlight newsmagazine (July 2001).
Flatulent Technologies has been recognized in the annual 2002 Orlando
Sentinel's "Top 100 Companies for Working Families" (July 2002)
Flatulent Technologies has been named to BestJobsUSA.com's Fourth Annual 2002 Employers of Choice 500 (May 2002)
Flatulent Technologies U.K. in the 2002 annual list of the "100 Best Companies to Work for in the United Kingdom" (March 2002)
Flatulent Technologies listed as a "Best Employer in Germany" (December 2001)
Flatulent Technologies
India Ranked No. 6 in a Best Employer survey in India (March 2002)
Flatulent Technologies was selected as one of Delaware's Outstanding Companies for a second year in a row (March 2001)
Flatulent Technologies named one of "America's Most Admired Companies" (January 2002)
Flatulent Technologies Australia has been recognized as "Best Employer to Work For in Australia" (June 2001)
Flatulent Technologies Italy has been identified as a "Great Place to Work" (August 2000)
Flatulent Technologies' CEO awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom for creation of its innovative "Welfare for Wind" program benefiting many thousands of laid off employees (January 22, 2001)
Flatulent Technologies' Products
Flatulent Technologies Selected as a "Company Most Likely to Change the World" (May 1996)
Flatulent Technologies' automated flatulence detection system wins industry magazine award (February 1998)
Consumer model cryogenic cooling appliance unveiled (January 2002)
Flatulent Technologies ships five thousandth "Toot Booth" (February 2002)
Flatulent Technologies introduces breakthrough bean counting IC chip (May 2002)
Flatulent Technologies on Campus
Sharing Flatulent Technologies' Resources with Technological Educators: Educator's Corner (December 2001)
The experiences of two prodigy interns at Flatulent Technologies Michigan laboratories (the msj.com; January 2003)
Flatulent Technologies in the Community
Flatulent Technologies Germany supports state-of-the-art gastro-intestinal hospital ward (May 2002)
Flatulent AfterSchool program promotes bean consumption to further science and health education in Taiwan, Korea, and the U.S. (April 2002)
Flatulent Technologies donates chemistry lab to N.Y.C. (The News Journal; March 2002)
To get the "BIG PICTURE" of the Flatulent Technologies experience, we encourage you to leisurely browse this website.
EXCELLENT EXECUTIVE TRAINING AND
CAREER ADVANCEMENT OPPORTUNITIES
 Rory Nutthatch, Executive Training Specialist, coaches top level executive staff (the Flatulent Technologies' "Royalty") throughout our vast, corporate empire. Rory's stirring and passionate delivery inculcates his listeners in the values dear to Flatulent Technologies' corporate culture: craftiness, aggressive and shameless self-promotion, manipulative "button pressing," extremely generous executive compensation, plush office accommodations and furnishings, alluring and voluptuous female support staff, and the importance of following an appropriate bean and legume-oriented diet to keep one's self healthy and sexually fit. Popular training course titles include:
♦ Making Play of Work: Gaming the System
♦ Squeezing the Most Out of Government
♦ Authoring Super-Extravagant Hyperbole
♦ Winning Big in the Confidence Game
♦ Crafty Securities Trading Strategies
♦ Personal Wealth Management
♦ Beans: Energy Food of the Gods
In addition, the two day experiential, high-impact retreats that we organize are famously popular with our corporate executives. These retreats -- planned in fun locations, such as Hawaii, Cancún, Jamaica, and Rio de Janeiro (usually during Carnival) -- recharge our corporate leaders and give them a positive team building experience.
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Vice-president Visits Flatulent Technologies' HQ
As a leading American corporation, Flatulent Technologies is very often the host of many distinguished visitors. For example, In October of 2002, Vice-president Cheney paid a visit to Flatulent Technologies' corporate headquarters in Houston to "shoot the breeze" on national energy policy with our upper echelon staff, and then joined them for lunch.
Executive Chef Roi, who oversees the corporate headquarters' state-of-the-art kitchen facilities, prepared a scrumptious lunch. On the menu that day: finger sandwiches spread with a delectable Garbanzo Bean Pâte and a Crusty Cornbread Bean Bake. After lunch, the VP and staff discharged a total of 3.95 liters of methane. Naturally, our robust and highly energetic Vice-president led the field in individual output. He blasted out an amazing 750 milliliter methane gas cloud!
Following lunch, the staff pleasantly surprised the Vice-president by presenting him with a newly issued t-shirt emblazoned with one of our most popular corporate slogans.
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DREAM JOBS -- USA
Document Retention Specialist -- Emergency Hire
Duties: Identify legally and financially problematic documents and eliminate such documents from Flatulent Technologies' files as quickly, efficiently, and surreptitiously as possible.
Salary / Wages: Minimum $62,500 per year, salary negotiable
Qualifications: The successful applicant will be an energetic, detailed-oriented self-starter who can work accurately under tight deadlines and juggle multiple tasks simultaneously. Most importantly, candidate must be a team player, and he must be of a trustworthy race. A background in law or accounting is highly desirable.
Executive Restroom Attendant
Duties: Provide corporate executives with towels, clean and maintain toilet facilities.
Salary / Wages: Minimum wage allowed by state and federal law, plus generous tips (generally regarded as tax-exempt, except by IRS).
Qualifications: To meet the corporation's equal employment opportunity targets, preference will be given to minority applicants. Applicant who wins this privileged position and displays an appropriately servile demeanor will find this work most satisfying and rewarding.
Executive Doorman at World Headquarters
Duties: Opens doors and greets executive staff at corporate headquarters; polishes brass door knobs and hardware.
Salary / Wages: Minimum wage allowed by state and federal law, plus generous tips (generally regarded as tax-exempt, except by IRS).
Qualifications: To meet the corporation's equal employment opportunity targets, preference will be given to minority applicants. Applicant who wins this privileged position and displays an appropriately servile demeanor will find this work most satisfying and rewarding.
Limousine Driver
Duties: Drives limousine of chief executive while at corporate headquarters in Houston.
Salary / Wages: Minimum wage allowed by state and federal law, plus generous tips (generally regarded as tax-exempt, except by IRS).
Qualifications: To meet the corporation's equal employment opportunity targets, preference will be given to minority applicants. Applicant who wins this privileged position and displays an appropriately servile demeanor will find this work most satisfying and rewarding.
Executive Chef / Nutritionist
Duties: Cooks and prepares the very finest and most creative bean and legume dishes to executive staff and distinguished visitors at FT's Houston World Headquarters. .
Salary / Wages: Minimum $55,000 per year, salary negotiable.
Qualifications: Graduation from accredited culinary institution with specialization in preparation of bean and legume dishes highly desirable.
Corporation Counsel, Business and Contract Law Specialist
Duties: Reviews and certifies legal documents related to business transactions and contracts at FT's Houston World Headquarters. .
Salary / Wages: Minimum $354,000 per year, salary negotiable. Generous stock options awarded.
Qualifications: Graduation from accredited law school, licensed to practice law in Texas; outstanding skills in prevarication highly desirable. Candidate must be a team player, and he must be of a trustworthy race.
Senior Accountant, Tax Shelter Specialist
Duties: Advises on most appropriate tax shelters which exploit dual accounting standards; engages in multiple structured transactions.
Salary / Wages: Minimum $172,500 per year, salary negotiable. Generous stock options awarded.
Qualifications: Graduation from accredited university with Master's degree in Business Administration and a Certified Public Accountant license required. Must be able to concoct complex financial maneuvers and manipulate figures so as to successfully confuse and obstruct investigations by the IRS, as well as reach ambitious annual corporate profitability goals. Candidate must be a team player, and he must be of a trustworthy race.
Product Development Engineer
Duties: Brainstorm, collaborate, and synergize with scientific research staff to devise sensational, new products anticipating everyone's fondest wishes and desires.
Salary / Wages: Minimum $64,900 per year, salary negotiable. Generous stock options awarded.
Qualifications: Derided for being an unorthodox thinker -- a "nerd," a "crackpot," or a "charlatan?" Are you young, energetic, and excited about working 80-hour weeks for the sheer joy and rush of achievement and the future prospect of exacting revenge on your enemies and detractors? Flatulent Technologies is the place for you! Graduation from an accredited university with a degree in engineering or scientific fields is required. Creative, "outside the box" conceptualization abilities are essential.
Flatulent Technologies is proud to be
an equal opportunity employer.
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