Stuart's SNL Shows
(In order of date)
First show. Stuart panics, after having blown a previous show. "That's okay . . . because it's my panic, and I own it.
A hair replacement infomercial displaces Stuart to late night. This angers Stuart, but he is reminded that he must control the anger that once scared him. "So I stuffed my anger. And I stuffed my face. And that's why I weighed three hundred pounds."
"I am fun to be with. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me. Well, not everybody. But that's their problem. And your problem. Okay, I'm sorry, this is not my best show."
Stuart talks to overeaters. "I'm Stuart. I'm an over eater."
Stuart welcomes guest Michael Jordan. Stuart tells Michael that he 
probably wakes up at night, saying to himself "I'm not good enough, everybody's better than me, I'm not going to score any points."
Stuart tells Michael to recite an affirmation: "Hello, Michael. I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to dribble fast or throw the ball in the basket. Al I have to do is be the best Michael I can be."
Stuart is joined by his cousin (Kieffer Sutherland), who is a more successful self-help therapist. Stuart feels envy, but later forgives himself.
Stuart is joined nephew Kyle S. (Macaulay Culkin).
Stuart greets sister Jodie (Roseanne Arnold), a recovered overeater. "Look at you," Stuart says, "all in one chair!". She is also joined by ex-husband Bobby (Tom Arnold).
Stuart discusses politics, something he knows nothing about. "The Democrats keep nominating these co-dependents."
As a treat to his inner child, Stuart wears a skeleton for Halloween. "Because it's scary and because it reminds me I'm a human being. And that's okay . . . I think it makes me look thinner."
Stuart dreads spending the holidays with his parents but later: "I'm twenty pounds overweight, and no one will ever love me-except my parents. So I should go home."
Stuart is depressed by Valentines Day. "I learned what love is from my parents. Which is that you find that one special person who was placed on the planet
just for you, and then put them through forty years of living hell."
Stuart is joined by Charles Barkley who calls Stuart "really messed up." Stuart senses suffering and brings in Muggsy Bogues. He tells Charles: "I know how badly you wanted to beat the bulls... And I love you!"
Stuart helps the Bobitts, (Rosie O'Donnel and Mike Myers) release their anger. He makes Lorena tell John's penis "Hello. I was very angry at you. But that doesn't make you a bad penis! I'm sorry I cut you off and threw you in a field. I'm glad they found you and reattached you."
Stuart's guest is Martin Lawrence. He confesses that "My father was a slave... His master was the bottle!"
Source: Saturday Night Live: The First Twenty Years.