CNN Spin Room with Bill Press, Tucker Carlson

BILL PRESS, HOST: Live from Washington, D.C. -- it's Thursday night!

CARLSON: And doggone it, people like us.

PRESS: Back by popular demand, it's the best half-hour in cable television, that is THE SPIN ROOM. I'm Bill

PRESS. Good evening, everybody.

CARLSON: That's right, you picketed, we returned. I'm Tucker

CARLSON. Thanks for joining us. We have a huge night here on THE SPIN ROOM, the best half an hour in cable television. We have comedian Al Franken joining us from New York -- but first.

AL FRANKEN, COMEDIAN: Hi.

PRESS: There he is, a funny guy.

FRANKEN: There's a little copyright infringement. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Have your lawyers call us, Al.

PRESS: We steal everything, Al, don't worry about it. Big day, Tucker, big day.

CARLSON: Huge day, Bill, and as usual, our correspondents have been combing the globe for the very best -- for the distillate of good news.

PRESS: And we have culled the high points -- the high points of today's political news, which we are about to bring to our millions and millions of viewers.

CARLSON: In our "Top Spin" segment, here it is: Michael Bloomberg plans to run for mayor as a Republican. What don't you know about his political past?

PRESS: Most politicians in Washington are full of what barnyard product?

CARLSON: It's war! Guess who John McCain is brawling with now.

PRESS: And quick -- what would be the most fitting monument to Bill Clinton?

CARLSON: Rich guy candidate John Corzine has some money-saving ideas for running for office.

PRESS: And guess who's now reading Shakespeare?

CARLSON: Wherefore art thou, Romeo? (LAUGHTER)

PRESS: Oh, it's a high-class show, Tucker. Another high-class show. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Send the children from the room. THE SPIN ROOM's on.

PRESS: When it gets down to Shakespeare, you know...

CARLSON: Up to Shakespeare. So what do we have on tap, Bill?

PRESS: Well, let's start with -- you know, we're fond of talking about the mayor's race in New York because there are so many characters who are running. Michael Bloomberg, so far, is the only Republican who's announced that he is going to run. " The "New York Post" this morning did a little piece revealing the fact that Michael Bloomberg is a big, big campaign contributor. In fact, last year he gave a total -- I am sorry, I am sorry -- I am way off, aren't I? .

CARLSON: Yeah, but we can go Michael Bloomberg.

PRESS: No, I'm not. I'm going to start talking about John McCain.

CARLSON: Well, there you go.

PRESS: I'm going to get in order here. OK. John McCain! John McCain, let's start again, is on the war path. You know, he's holding back because -- but you know he was angry because George Bush was opposing his McCain-Feingold campaign reform legislation. Well, today Bush took another step. He actually endorsed opposing legislation sponsored by Senator Chuck Hagel, and McCain really popped off. This is what he had to say to George Bush, a little shot across his bow.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: In the end, you want an enactment, not this passage.

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R), ARIZONA: Sure.

QUESTION: And to got enactment, you need the president.

MCCAIN: There is such things as veto overrides.

(END VIDEO CLIP)



PRESS: Did you hear that, Tucker? McCain threatening Bush? He said: You pass that bill, I'll override...

CARLSON: See, as a journalist, Bill, I'm required by federal law to preface every statement about John McCain by saying, "I love John McCain," and in my case, it's actually true. But I'm getting this disturbing feeling that he actually believes all the lunatic campaign finance theories. When he starts attacking Chuck Hagel, who's one of the very few members of the Senate who likes John McCain, who defends him, who's a close personal friend of his, you think he sacrificed too much for the campaign finance.

PRESS: You know what I say, Tucker? Don't mess with John McCain.

CARLSON: I never -- I wouldn't...

PRESS: The Viet Cong guards couldn't get him. Neither can Dubya.

CARLSON: They tried it.

PRESS: All right.

CARLSON: OK.

PRESS: You're next.

CARLSON: On to Jon Corzine, who is, of course, the new senator from New Jersey, a Democrat. Spent $60 million of his own money -- his own money -- in the last campaign to beat Bob Franks, Republican, who had about three ads on the air. What do you think Jon Corzine thinks now about television rates for ad time? Not a lot. Jon Corzine has come out and decided that. actually, TV stations -- surprise, surprise -- ought to lower their rates, ought to give cut- rate discounts to politicians running for office. Surprised?

PRESS: No, but you know what? Jon Corzine is right. I think TV ads ought to be free. I think political commercials ought to be free. That's one way to get rid of all the obscene money in political campaigns.

CARLSON: Yeah, free ice cream. (LAUGHTER) I think we're coming back to a consistent theme, here.

PRESS: As I was saying, Michael Bloomberg.

CARLSON: Oh, yeah, what about Michael Bloomberg? (CROSSTALK)

PRESS: Well, about the mayor's race in New York, he is the only Republican running for mayor. Today "The New York Post": Take a look at his campaign contributions. He's been a big, big contributor. As a matter of fact, last year Michael Bloomberg gave a total of $337,000 in campaign contributions, of which 308,500, or 91.5 percent, were given to Democrats. Tucker, what I have to say is Michael Bloomberg is my kind of Republican.

CARLSON: Yeah, so he's liberal in every possible subject, he's not really a Republican. OK, you think, New York, you can get away with that. Giving hundreds of thousands of dollars to the other party -- that's too opportunistic, even for New York City. I suddenly think Rich Lowry has a chance.

PRESS: Republican who gives 91 percent of his money to Democrats. I'm telling you, this guy is OK. I like Michael Bloomberg.

CARLSON: OK. We're going to be talking about Michael Bloomberg a lot. We brought his name up a couple times. We'll probably do three or four Michael Bloomberg segments before the evening's out, and before we go further, I have to say -- a slight correction: Last night, on last night's show, I mentioned the "Pig Book" that John McCain was talking about, various pork projects. One of them was aquaculture for shrimp farming in Arizona and I made the point that: Boy, McCain never said a thing about that. Well, it turns out, he did. So we beg your pardon, John McCain. When we return...

PRESS: You know, Tucker, neither one of us are perfect, as we have both proven in this first segment.

CARLSON: That's exactly right. And back with more about Michael Bloomberg and comedian Al

FRANKEN.

PRESS: Meanwhile, join us, folks, during the chatroom. Send us your e-mails to spin@cnn.com, or take a look at our great Web site, cnn.com/spinroom, where we want you to, first of all, sign up, please for that private e-mail from me or Tucker. You can't get the e-mail unless you sign up for it. It's free, so please do so tonight. And while you're there you can vote in our "Quick Vote" tonight: Which politician inspires the best humor? George Bush, Bill Clinton, or Dan Quayle? Yeah, Dan Quayle's still a funny guy. We'll be right back with Al

FRANKEN and you and Tucker and Bill, in THE SPIN ROOM.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)



CARLSON: Welcome back to THE SPIN ROOM. If you can't get enough of Michael Bloomberg, you found the right show.

PRESS: "The Michael Bloomberg Show"!

CARLSON: "The Michael Bloomberg Show." And stay tuned because later in the show we have our "Tailspin" segment. We're not going to give away what it is. As always, it will be shocking. We'll just tell you the title: "Tea Time in Miami." Don't go away.

PRESS: That's a clue. All right, Tucker, just before we get to Al

FRANKEN I have to say, this funny thing happened yesterday. Just not far from here at the United States Capitol, a landscaping truck pulled up, the bomb-sniffing dogs, went crazy, running after this truck. The cops went crazy. They declared a bomb scare, pulled the driver out of the truck, set the dogs loose. And turned out to be nothing but a load of manure, which I -- leads me to wonder...

CARLSON: That sounds like a wonderful -- springtime in Washington.

PRESS: But how did they tell the manure outside the Capitol from the manure inside the Capitol? I don't know, but it was just one more load of manure on Capitol Hill.

CARLSON: My question was, what would it be like to pull, I don't know, to stables or something -- I -- "Could I take 8 or 9 tons of manure? I need it for something."

PRESS: For the U.S. Capitol.

CARLSON: For the U.S. Capitol. OK. On to Al

FRANKEN, joining us live from New York, comedian Al

FRANKEN. Thanks for joining us, Al. AL

FRANKEN, COMEDIAN: Thank you for having me, guys.

PRESS: Hey, Al. Good to see you.

CARLSON: Now you are and have been a big Clinton defender. Have you just been in agony since the inauguration?

FRANKEN: Ah, it's -- it's been tough. But you know what? I -- he has not been given credit for the pardons he did not give.

PRESS: Ah-hah. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: That's a different way of looking at it.

FRANKEN: The Unabomber is still behind bars. (LAUGHTER) John Hinckley's not going anywhere. I heard that Manson approached Roger Clinton, based on their mutual interest in music for a pardon... (LAUGHTER) ... and I thought the president showed good judgment in all three of those cases.

CARLSON: Or Manson couldn't come up with the cash, either one.

PRESS: I've been waiting for someone to put... (LAUGHTER) I've been waiting for someone to put a positive spin on the pardons, Al.

FRANKEN: There -- there you have it.

PRESS: I congratulate you. Now, I don't know whether...

FRANKEN: That's as well as I can do.

PRESS: I don't know whether you saw the news today. You know, the president might -- was feeling a little down, you know, because there's a Reagan Airport and a Reagan government building, and yet -- not yet any monument to Bill Clinton. And it turns out that there is one. "The Washington Post" reported this morning it's in Reykjavik in Iceland. It's called the -- there's beautiful downtown Reykjavik on the screen. This place is called the Clinton Club, and it's actually a sex club in Reykjavik that's been named after the president. The manager said the president came to their country and he left his mark on Reykjavik. Fitting tribute, Al?

FRANKEN: That's that Icelandic sense of humor. (LAUGHTER) You know, the Reagan Airport, there's something very interesting about Reagan National Airport. Once they changed names, since they changed the name from National Airport to Reagan National Airport, it's running a huge deficit. (LAUGHTER) It's amazing. It's hemorrhaging money.

CARLSON: But yet it's a happier place somehow. Speaking of happy, you -- I mean, you've been watching President Bush pretty closely. Do you have a nickname yet?

FRANKEN: No. I mean, he hasn't been watching me, so I don't have a nickname. You know, those nicknames, the whole charm offensive is terrific, and he's -- a few of the nicknames have backfired. For example, Ted Kennedy went out in a huff after an education meeting after Bush called him Chappy. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: I like it.

FRANKEN: And you're talking about McCain, there is -- McCain was irritated. Bush likes to use like a lot of popular culture references, and he calls McCain "Hogan!" Hogan!

CARLSON: Making himself Colonel Klink?

FRANKEN: Yeah, well, it's the POW thing. (LAUGHTER) And McCain, you know, said, well, you know. I thought it was tasteless, but getting used to it.

PRESS: Watching -- watching as closely as you do, do you get the feeling that Bush is really in charge?

FRANKEN: Of?

PRESS: The country.

FRANKEN: The country? (LAUGHTER)

PRESS: I was thinking -- yeah, he is president.

FRANKEN: Well, you know, I think he's purely on a need-to-know basis. I saw that poll in "The New York Times" that a majority of Americans feel that he's not in control, and Americans are pretty -- pretty smart. But he -- you know, remember, during the debates, they were talking about -- I mean, the tax cut is the big issue right now. And in the second debate, Bush said this. He said, "A vast majority of my tax cut goes to those at the bottom." And of course, the bottom 60 percent get 13 percent of the tax cut. But the

PRESS didn't jump all over him. If Gore had made anything like that, they would have jumped on him. But the attitude of the

PRESS was "He doesn't know." (LAUGHTER) He doesn't know.

CARLSON: Well, see, it pays to have... (CROSSTALK)

FRANKEN: He's not lying. He doesn't -- he doesn't know.

CARLSON: That's sort of charitable. Now, look, speaking of -- you know, speaking of good manners, not that long ago you, as I remember, challenged our pal and SPIN ROOM alum, I have to say, Rich Lowry, editor of "National Review"...

PRESS: You've got to be careful. That's right. He's been in THE SPIN ROOM, so he's...

CARLSON: ... to a -- numerous times -- to a fist fight in a parking garage.

FRANKEN: To a fight!

CARLSON: That's exactly right, to a brawl, mono a mono. And I want to read his reply to you. First, he called you "an irritating, cloying celebrity," and then the coup de grace. Listen to this: "If I had to choose a male representative of the feminization of America to punch, the former SNL comic" -- that would be you -- "who has always vaguely reminded me of Richard Simmons, would do as well as any." Now, keep in mind, this is a man who may be mayor of New York some day. Do you really want to fight with Rich Lowry?

FRANKEN: This is interesting because -- no, this is what happened. Rich was on C-Span accusing Democrats of feminizing politics, because it's OK for men to cry now and all that stuff. So I called Rich, and I said: "Hey, I saw you on C-Span saying the Democrats feminized politics. Do you want to fight?" And he said: "Fight? What would the rules be?" And I said, "No rules, it would be like "Fight Club." We -- "Where would we fight?" he said. I said: "I have a parking garage where I keep my car. We could fight there." (LAUGHTER) And he said -- and I said loser gives $10,000 to the other guy's charity or something like that. And he said, "Well, I'll have to think about it." And I guess he spent the night, you know, crying himself to sleep, because the next day he called me and said he -- he didn't want to take me up on the offer.

CARLSON: So basically, you just manned him down. I mean, he started crying, ran away, called his mom for solace.

FRANKEN: He didn't cry on the phone, but I was just -- I think has pillow was wet that night. (LAUGHTER) And maybe -- maybe some of the sheets. So he just -- he just chickened out. But you know, what happened was we ended up going to lunch, and he's a very, very smart guy. And I like Rich a lot.

PRESS: That's -- that's what always happens between politicians and celebrities. They pretend they're going to have a big fight and then they end up going to lunch.

CARLSON: Exactly.

FRANKEN: I was willing -- my son said, "What if he accepts?" And I said, "I'll fight him." And then -- and then my son saw -- we were watching CNN and Rich was on, and I said that's the guy. And my son went, Dad, ehh...

PRESS: Dad, you could have taken him.

FRANKEN: Yeah, of course. You challenged that guy, you know. (LAUGHTER)

PRESS: Al, your friend and mine -- your friend and mine Monica Lewinsky is back in the news today. I mean, since the gag rule is over now she's talking to everybody. She's talking to "Elle" magazine, and she said her favorite thing in the world was to go shopping. She reported she went out and she bought a complete -- the complete works of Shakespeare for $50, she bought at the flea market, which I guess means she's no longer reading "Leaves of Grass." But what do you think is the lasting impact or legacy or is there any of all the Monica Lewinsky stuff, and are we ever going to hear the end of it?

FRANKEN: Well, it sounds like she's growing... (LAUGHTER) ... which is good. I believe that some good things came out of the whole scandal. For example, married couples are now, in America, are having and open discussions about what does and does not constitute adultery. For example, my wife has told me that she believes that oral sex is adultery, which I guess explains why we haven't had any since we've been married. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: How long have you been married, Al?

PRESS: Al, thank you for sharing.

FRANKEN: I've been 20, 25 years.

CARLSON: That's a long time.

FRANKEN: Also, now, people were worried about the impact on kids. This is what I did and maybe your -- at the height of the whole Lewinsky thing, I said to my kids: "Kids, come on in the living room." I have two kids. "Sit down." I sat them down. I looked them in the eye. And I said: "Kids, I love you, you're safe. The president isn't going to try to have sex with you." (LAUGHTER) And they're fine. They're fine. The kids are fine.

PRESS: See, we all survived, didn't we?

FRANKEN: We did. The kids are OK. (LAUGHTER)

PRESS: That's it. Tucker, I'm telling you, the Monica Lewinsky scandal was good for America.

CARLSON: It sounds like it was good for Al

FRANKEN.

PRESS: It certainly was good for the

FRANKEN household.

CARLSON: Noted sexologist, Al

FRANKEN.

FRANKEN: Three out of four.

CARLSON: Add that to your bio.

PRESS: Al, we want you to come back with Dr. Ruth one night, OK? (LAUGHTER)

FRANKEN: Do I have to? (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Yeah, you do.

PRESS: All right. Thanks, Al. Thanks so much for joining us.

FRANKEN: Well, thank you, guys. It's been fun.

PRESS: Al

FRANKEN...

FRANKEN: By the way, I love the show.

CARLSON: Well, that was nice. Thank you.

FRANKEN: Never fail to see it.

PRESS: You're very kind. We would invite you back even if you hadn't said that. Al

FRANKEN from "Saturday Night Live" to THE SPIN ROOM, and we'll be back with the "Tailspin of the Day."

CARLSON: "Tailspin" -- tea time in Miami. Don't go away. You don't want to miss it.

PRESS: And our "Spins of the Day." Stay tuned. (COMMERCIAL BREAK)

CARLSON: Welcome back to THE SPIN ROOM. It's time for tailspin. Tonight's tailspin concerns our favorite big city mayor, Joe Carollo of Miami. You might remember Mr. Carollo was arrested last month in a domestic dispute that injured his wife. Well, it turns out it happened during tea, "High Tea with the Carollos." The police reports are out: February 7, as it turns out, she asked Mr. Carollo to make tea. "Fill the pot with water," she said. "What?" he said. "Should I put water in the pot?" And she said, "No, point your finger and the water will appear." At which point, he insulted her. She insulted him. And according to police reports, she lunged at him. Bottom line: She wound up, according to police reports, with a bump...

PRESS: Wait. He threw the pot at her head.

CARLSON: That's exactly right. "Tea Time at the Carollos." One lump or two?

PRESS: Tucker!

CARLSON: We never can resist.

PRESS: This is better than the Marc Rich pardon, but I feel sorry for Joe Carollo. He is a victim. He is the victim of his wife's sarcasm.

CARLSON: He's actually a victim. As he explained earlier, he loved Miami so much that he had to throw a tea canister at his wife.

PRESS: All right, e-mails. First of all, we'll give you the result of tonight's quick vote: Who is the best inspiration for comedy among our politicians? George Bush wins 57 percent; Bill Clinton, 30 percent; Dan Quayle come in third with 13 percent. We get tons of e-mail like this one everyday. This from Lilo: "Your program is one of the most interesting on TV. I wish you would be on the air for a whole hour." Lilo, so do we. We are working on it.

CARLSON: We are almost out of time, but before we move on, I want to put up on screen our favorite e-mail of the week; here it is: "Your show has very little intelligents. (from) Bobbi." That is a terrific e-mail. (LAUGHTER)

PRESS: I don't know what the says about the intelligence of our viewers, but just to balance that little hate mail with this one: "Watching you two guys gives me the same fascination as watching fruit loops."

PRESS: I don't know if that is positive...

CARLSON: You know, you can always tell the pot smokers, can't you? OK, it's time for our "Spins of the Day."

PRESS: I'll go first. Remember, the definition of spin is, very early in THE SPIN ROOM, we told you it's that moment when you hear someone say something and it's so outrageous you expect lightning to strike them dead. Example: Justice Clarence Thomas gave a speech yesterday at James Madison University, where, according to the Associated

PRESS, he told the students: "It would be a huge mistake to view the nation's highest court as basing its decisions on politics." Tucker, after the most purely political decision in the history of the United States Supreme Court, he's lucky to be alive today. What happened to the lightning?

CARLSON: Bill, I have a feeling the Secret Service will be showing up at the

PRESS household before long. Speaking of big guys who are heavily armed, I'm going to defend Jesse Ventura, something I thought I'd never do. "The Washington Post" had a story this morning in which Vince McMahon, head of the WWF, ex

PRESSed regret for hiring Jesse Ventura as an XFL announcer. "He's on thin ice," McMahon said. Why? "Hyperbole turns people off. They know when you are not telling the truth." In other words, Jesse Ventura is too sensationalistic for the XFL. We have a pot-kettle problem. Vince McMahon, the man who invented thong television, the man who brought us "Smackdown!" with an explanation point, is calling poor Jesse Ventura not believable and too sensationalistic. I say, for the first and last time, leave Jesse Ventura alone.

PRESS: But it's kind of like when we're accused of being shallow by "USA Today."

CARLSON: Winner of the Pulitzer Prize for the Best Paragraph.

PRESS: The "USA Today." We have spun out for another day and we are not gone yet, because sports is coming up next.

CARLSON: We will be back, briefly. See you in a moment. (COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PRESS: You know, Tucker, now that we've stolen it, we might as well use it. "We're good enough, we're smart enough and dog gone it, there are some people that like us."

CARLSON: A few mostly in Canada, but that counts.

PRESS: Mostly demented.

CARLSON: We have a huge show tomorrow night. Our St. Patrick's Day extravaganza, with an actual bona fide Irish person.

PRESS: Will you wear green?

CARLSON: It will be a very green show.