A Taste of New York

To eat in the Kaimuki district is always a challenge. First you have to deal with the parking. Sometimes worse than finding parking at Ala Moana during the Christmas rush, parking here is a combination of skill, luck and being a bastard. First you check out your competition. Large SUVs and pickup trucks are circling the lot like sharks. Some have decided to park in a particular section waiting to pounce on anything that moves. Some have their flashers on. Large men usually use this technique. Others proceed slowly, very slowly checking out anybody walking to their cars trying to get an indication as to where their vehicle is. The ram makes one swing through the lot. If there are too many flashers, slow drivers and large men in circling pickups he checks out Kokohead Avenue. Nothing there, we eat elsewhere. Sometimes you get lucky and encounter someone entering their vehicle. You look in your rear view mirror and checkout the car with flashers on that has staked out this section of the lot. Is he big? Does he have a shotgun rack? If it’s a woman, you have to make a split second decision on whether to be a bastard or not and take the space. This could be a life-ending decision so be careful. Normally the leaving party takes their time. All of them have to readjust their rear view mirror, strap on their seat belts, take inventory of stuff in their purses, look for Kleenex in their glove compartment or conduct a sex education class for their children. Some come back out and check the air pressure in their tires. Its excruciating.

So, finally, you get the space and you have to make that long, dangerous walk to the restaurant of choice. The circling cars all try to kill you because the drivers are all frustrated and are looking for hapless walkers on which to vent their rage. Anyway, wear light colored clothing when eating in Kaimuki.

On occasion the ram goes to A Taste of New York for one of their delicious pastrami sandwiches. This is easily the best p-sandwich in town. It’s not good for you cause it’ll clog your arteries, but as long as you have one of their large salads, they should cancel each other out. Yeah, right.

Lots of failed restaurants have occupied the space where ATNY is. This is because it’s out of the mainstream and tucked to the left of the lineup of heavy hitting restaurants in Kaimuki. It’s a small place with cozy booths in a step-down section. A large bottle of genetically altered pickles is prominent on every table. You can eat as many as you like. One would fill your entire stomach and give you gas for a week.

The pleasant staff take your order, although it’s always the same: pastrami on rye, a Caesar salad and a side of potato salad. By Hawaii standards the sandwich is gargantuan, with enough pastrami to feed three people. New Yorkers would sniggle. It doesn’t compare to Carnegie’s or some of NY’s famous delis. Not even close.

But the price is easily New York-size. A simple p-sand will set up back $12. Add a drink, a salad and a $9 slice of cheesecake and we’re talking about a seriously large check. But once your wallet stops throbbing from shock and you settle down to the meal, it’s all pleasure. The potato salad is amazingly good. Don’t miss it. I’ve also been told that the cheesecake is terrific.

This is a BYOB restaurant. Don’t forget to bring super cold beer to elevate this meal to fine dining.

A long, long time ago coffee shops, like Columbia Inn, ruled. I remember standing in line to get in. It helped that they were 24 hour joints as the bar crowd would flock there for a sobering cup of coffee and some breakfast for heading home in the wee hours. More importantly Columbia Inn had a huge lunch and dinner following. It was a place that families went. Young people would have dinner there to start their date. Flamingo’s and Columbia Inn were the two big players and they slugged it out with multiple locations. Kelly’s, Kenny’s, Victoria Inn, Bob’s Big Boy, Yum Yum Tree, Cocos, Tops and other Spencecliff Restaurants were all in the same style. Coffee Shops were like the department store of the restaurant world. They served almost everything: locally influenced food, saimin, burgers, shakes, breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc. And, you got a deal. None of this ala carte stuff. When you ordered a meal - say hamburger steak - you got your choice of soup or salad, sometimes even a fruit cup, a roll with a pad of butter, the main course, a drink and dessert - a piece of pie, ice cream, jello or pudding. It was a real deal.

Then Zippy’s and Diner’s started building their empires. These were takeout or sit-down restaurants that offered similar fare. And the rise of the specialty restaurants - ethnic restaurants, themed restaurants, pizza only restaurants, etc. - gave eaters an even greater variety of choices, and better quality food. One by one the coffee shops suffered and fell by the wayside. Today only a few remain. Those that are left all look like they’re having a hard time competing.

Columbia Inn, in Kaimuki, is still a pleasant place to go when you want a quick, hearty and economical meal. It still has the same look: booths of naugahyde, Christmas decoration that’s left up the whole year, silent TV sets tuned to sports programs, a "please wait to be seated" sign and a dark and dank bar situated somewhere on the property.

The service is no-nonsense and speedy. The boys in the kitchen can really crank. The specials-of-the-day are posted on the blackboard up front. And you still have to walk your check up to the cashier to pay.

Where Columbia Inn really shines is breakfast. They have breakfast ensembles that include eggs, a meat choice, pancakes, and a fruit bowl that will get your attention and make you skip lunch. The coffee, of course, is refilled endlessly. A big breakfast at a very good price.

Their other strength is their Broke-the-Mouth beef stew; probably the best in Honolulu. The viscosity is perfect; not too runny and not too thick. They take care to separate the stew from the rice. The stew comes in its own bowl. It’s the eater’s choice to combine the two in any way he or she likes. And it has been "stewed" for a long, long time. You can tell by biting into the veggies. And they don’t skimp on the beef. The beef taste infuses everything. While the salad, fruit cup, drink and dessert are now all ala carte, you still get the roll with the pad of butter.

Eggs and Things

This is Breakfast Central in Waikiki. This extremely popular restaurant centers its business hours around breakfast. Opening at 11 PM in the evening to 2 PM in the afternoon, Eggs and Things seeks to catch the really earlier breakfast eater and those stumbling out of or kicked out of bars in the wee hours of the morning. On an average day, at seven in the morning the wait to get in may extend out to forty five minutes. By this time the wait staff have all downed six Red Bulls and are on hyper-drive. They walk fast, they talk fast and they finish your sentences for you. Sometimes you stare at some of the help and wonder if you’re looking at a poorly done-up cross dresser. The tables are set so close to each other that its more like a communal dinning room. You can very easily reach over and spear a pancake from your neighbor when he’s distracted by a passing ambulance.

The ram recommends their mushroom omelet and their pancakes. Be sure to use the lingonberry pancake syrup and do apply the homemade salsa to the omelet. And this is the only institution that serves their corned beef hash in three different consistencies: mushy (rare), medium (fully cooked) or extra crispy (burnt). The burnt version is the best.

If you don’t mind the wait and rubbing elbows - literally - with visitors from far away places and don’t get intimidated by fast talking waitresses, this is the place for you. The best breakfast place in town bar none.

Liliha Bakery

It’s not very often that entertainment improves a meal. I’ve been in expensive restaurants where shrill country-western singers have exploded my water glass or ukulele players strumming out their punk-rock version of the Stars Bangle Banner have started up sympathetic peristaltic waves in my stomach that have made me upchuck on my steamed opakapaka. This is not true at Liliha Bakery. You go there for good grub and entertainment. The eating section of Liliha Bakery is one long counter with anchored, revolving padded stools in front of it. Behind you is plate glass window that looks out at the parking lot with a smallish aisle between.

To the right of the eating bar is the bakery side of the business that does land office business. It’s busy all the time with folks picking up their long-johns, coco puffs, dream cakes and frozen Sensational pancake mix.

None of this is interesting. Watching the short order cook do his or her thing is interesting The grill is front and center of the dinning bar. Somebody orders a hamburger deluxe and you get to watch how a weight is put on paddy for an even sear. You watch the cirque du soleil deftness of the fry cook as he flips each pancake perfectly at the right doneness. Easy-over eggs never get their yokes ruptured. Bacon is flipped six at a time. Pork sausages get rolled in unison. All of this is done to the rhythmic and ritual scrapping of the grill. The waitresses perform a side act when they butter the toast with a wide spatula and spread red jammy stuff on top of that.

The downside of Liliha Bakery comes when it is busy. If you’re enjoying your loco moco and having a nice conversation with your girl-friend people begin gathering behind you waiting for you to move on so they can eat. If you dawdle too long you’ll begin to hear loud and extended yawns or super-exaggerated coughing fits that sound sicker and grosser the longer you prolong your meal. People begin hitting your chair as they go by or, worst of all, people outside will begin writing you off-color messages by fogging the plate glass window with their breath. And always be prepared to shuffle to your left or to your right so that everyone in the arriving party can sit next to each other.

But, as long as you know the rules and can triple your eating speed when necessary, Liliha Bakery serves up good comfort food at affordable prices.

Nico’s at Pier 38 is a great addition to our restaurant scene. It’s next to the fish auction so they claim to have "fresh" fish on the menu. Furikake Pan Seared Ahi is probably their signature dish that’s available everyday. They also have a fried ahi belly dish and a different fish special everyday. Nico’s has a salad of the day also. Ahi-poke salad with plum vinaigrette sauce would be an example of this.

Where is it? Pier 38. Where’s that? On Nimitz, going Ewa-bound, turn left at the Eagle Cafe intersection. After a right and left turn you see the blazing blue water of Honolulu Harbor. This is somewhat spoiled by the rusting hulks of the Young Brothers barges that command your attention on the right as you approach Nico’s. Being near the water, even if it’s harbor water, is always calming.

All of this changes when you hit Nico’s. It’s frenetic. It’s crowded. It's loud.  It looks like a white-collar hangout with Reyn’s aloha shirts aplenty. There are about twenty round tables, that seat four, where you can eat el fresco and enjoy looking at the long-line boats anchored to the left. There is never a table open. And, you can spot those waiting for a table on the fringes eyeing everyone. They will swoop, vulture-like, as soon as someone indicates, in the slightest way, that they are about to leave: crumpling their napkin, moving their chair backwards, belching loudly, or closing their styro container. If you do not want semi-hostile people in your face, prematurely at your table, don’t do any of the things just mentioned.

The actual ordering counter is behind two glass doors through which people are constantly moving through. Two stations, one for ordering and the other for picking up your food, is the way its set up. But the space is so tight that folks are constantly getting in the wrong line or cutting through to get a drink or look at the dessert case. It’s a mess. The black clad Nico girls take your order efficiently, ask you how you would like your fish done, greens or mac, and then give you a receipt with a number on it. Then you either wait on the side, making the room even more crowded or go outside and wait for your number to be announced over the PA system.

This is a fish place so you should have the fish. The special of the day or the furikaked ahi is always good. Or the salad. If your mercury level is too high or you’ve had too much fish recently, go for the local staples like beef stew, hamburger steak or chicken katsu. I hear they make a great cheeseburger also. The ram likes their Hoisin BBQ chicken.

And rather than fight for an elusive table, either take it out or park the car by the water’s edge with a cool drink. This is a great place for lunch, and, very soon, for dinner.

Wailana Coffee Shop

On the edge of Waikiki this local coffee shop probably gets most of its business from the huge Hawaiian Village Hotel, just across the street. The poor visitor that stays there is in a compound far from the heart of Waikiki and about 3/4 of a mile from the Ala Moana Shopping Center and the food choices there are all pricey. The word on Wailana Coffee Shop being a block away is getting around. It’s most noticeable in the mornings when a line of tourist overflows onto Ala Moana Boulevard.

It’s a coffee shop with an extensive menu. The regular coffee shop burgers and sandwiches, some local-inspired entrees and there’s a salad bar. They also have, I am told, great, economical meals for the kids.

The ram goes here usually when he wants pancakes for dinner. Yes, you did read it right. At Wailana you can have breakfast anytime, 24 hours a day. Here’s what you get: 2 eggs, any style, two pieces of bacon (you can horse trade this for other meat), all the pancakes you can eat, and all the coffee you can drink. And, where not talking silver dollars or donut size pancakes. These are large, frisbee sized pancakes. They start you off with a stack of three pancakes, and believe me that is enough for the average person. The first time I took advantage of this special, three more pancakes came automatically after I struggled finishing the first three. I do believe it is an automatic fill, so if three is enough you should tell them when you first place your order. Otherwise it’s gonna be the sorcerer’s apprentice. The cakes are soft and crispy in the right places. You get all of this for twenty two quarters. This is a deal. Don’t miss it.